Rubious   

I fantasize about you, sometimes, 

 fantasize that you are happy, 

realizing yourself 

in a way that was not possible back when  

each morning your eyes thrown from darkness opened to the sunlight  

and gazed, gazed, gazed into mine.    

 

I hope you are in love 

I hope it’s new and dramatic 

and I hope it makes you smile when you’re on you own,  

hanging out the clothes  

or broken down on the roadside, kicking tyres, your mind desperately holding on to  

itself for dear life, suddenly, effortlessly and like in some self affirming salacious  

dream, lets go.     

 

I fantasize the most perfect act of love I could commit  

was to set you free,  

let you grow natural, unbarred,  

let the sunshine warm your skin  

without thoughts of anything else but being you in the world.    

 

I also fantasize that someday we’ll meet haphazardly, we’ll have out-grown our  

difficulties and very, very, very slowly we’ll fall in love again.    

 

Forgive me, I know this last fantasy is just the little bit of you left in me,  

warming me, still believing in me, still wiping tears and whispering I love you into my mouth.  

*

Biography

Kevin Nolan, Dublin born, holds an honours degree in Pure Philosophy from The Milltown Institute, also received a Philosophy through literature diploma there all in all he spent six years studying Philosophy. He then Studied fine art in the National College of Art and Design in conceptual art and film.  His writing has appeared in, Colony, The Galway Review, Skylight 47, Bard, The Shine Newsletter, Studies,Decanto Magazine / Anthology (England), The Jack Kerouac Family Association Newsletter, Yareah Magazine (Italy), among other journals.  Nolan is also a singer/composer and has been played predominantly by John Kelly on The JK Ensemble. His debut album Fredrick & The Golden Dawn on which he deuts with choice award winning singer Julie Feeney received highly acclaimed reviews both in Ireland and abroad. www.kevinnolan.info